


DRAGON AGE: THE REVENGE OF THE MILLENIALS II

by HarpersFaery



Series: Shenanigans Age [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Abandon all hope ye who enter here, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Modern Boy in Thedas, Modern Character in Thedas, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pairings to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 14:24:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10336583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarpersFaery/pseuds/HarpersFaery
Summary: You know that fic? That one self-insert fic. Or the better known 'The Modern Girl/Guy in Thedas'? Get ready for crack. All of the crack. But JUSTIFIED crack.Think I've said that word enough? THINK AGAIN!





	

**Author's Note:**

> In which some great idiots decide to see if that fan-theory actually pans out.

_"What did you think you were doing?!"_

"In our defense, it WOULD have worked-"

"-It kinda did-"

"-I mean if the point was to buy us some time to get people out, then it DID work!"

"Yeah it was just Sera that screwed the pooch."

"Did _wot?!"_

Cue the muffled, badly suppressed sniggering. DISAPPROVAL POINTS all around the circle from Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast.

"Explain. _Now_."

"So Coryphesnot: bent on destroying Haven, right?"

("Right!")

"He needed something to focus on, at least until we got people in the Chantry, right?

("RIGHT! –Cough– Sorry..")

"So we grabbed Sera. She's perfect distraction material!"

"Sera is a _rogue_."

"AIN'T NONE TALKIN' TA YA EITHER!"

"Pretty sure that was a double-negati–"

 _"Keep. going._ What I saw, what you _said-"_

"That ain't make sense! None! You gone and pull that outta Andraste's flamin' arse or somethin?!"

"It woulda WORKED if you said the line right!"

"T' A _DEMON?!_ "

As one the seven rounded on the Red Jenny in varied levels of exasperation and arm flailing.

**"YES!"**

"...Continue."

"So we grabbed Sera. We told her we needed more _time._ She was… hesitant."

" _PBBFFFFFFFFFFFHHHHHT!!_ "

"But we told her what to say and walked out with her."

(" _'Walked.'_ ")

("More like _'scurried.'_ ")

"Who _exactly_ went along with this _insane_ idea?"

"Me and the two amigos here." Off to the left a pair of tattered, but justifiably cock-sure grinning figures, wiggled and waved sore fingers at the Right Hand of the Divine. "Walked out, _under fire_ , bros at our back, right in front of that pointy, cherry-flavored bastard. And we – we said-"

"We said, "HEY! FUGLY!" That assclown looked _right_ us and started going on about how we were (Insert Bunny Quotations Here) " _noooo-thing_ in comparison to his almighty _God-hood_.""

"Pshhhhh. Like that's not an innuendo for _anything_."

"Twat."

"Terrifying, yes, but a twat. Self-inflated as a Starkhaven bagpipe."

"ANYWAY! I told him, "I see your imitation divinity – really, I'm _sure_ it is _quite lovely_ , like faux fur only more _Blighty_ – and I RAISE YOU one vessel of an ACTUAL ELVEN GODDESS! One that can KICK YOUR ASS from here to the FARTHEST REACH OF THE ANDERFELS!""

"He did that gravelly, low, _"What?"_ that made us all want to soil our shorts."

("I think I did and I was _waaaaaaaaaaay_ behind you guys.")

("True that, dude.")

"And I said, "YEAH! …GO GET'M SERA!""

_"WHAT?!"_

A strangled cry of DESPAIR and RAEG from their archer, who's degraded from defiant outbursts into fisting her short hair. Everyone else has trouble holding back their laughter.

"That _predictable_ shithead goes, " _Are you a God?_ ""

"And that's when Sera went off-script."

"'Off-script?'" _  
_

"In a way.. yes."

"She was SUPPOSED to say, 'yes'."

"But she didn't."

"Nooooo she didn't."

_"LIKE I WAS GONNA **TALK** TO THE FLIPPIN' DEMON!!" _

"Actually what you YELLED at him was, "No fuckin' WAY! No chance - _NONE!"_ "

"That's when he started chuckling."

("I _did_ soil myself then.")

("No shame in that.")

"And, _lo_ , did he raise up his hand to strike us all down!"

"That was when Sera–"

"Our girl, Sera!"

"Amazing, _brilliant_ , Sera!"

"–took up her bow! Crying out mightily, _"NOT TODAY, CORYPHYSHIT!"_ And shot him. _In the face._ With **BEES.** "

_"Bees?"_

Sera chuckled. It's low, malicious, as if remembering the face of the ultimate evil as it was swarmed by something so infinitesimal... and _infuriating_.

"He blocked the arrow, but then it _EXPLODED_ all over him! He _cut off_ his attack and swung wildly at his tiny attackers - to no avail!"

"It didn’t hurt him, of course."

"Just pissed him off. We got our opening to vamoose. Dodge some more spooky, scary templar."

"Letting us get everyone to the Chantry safe and sound – _mostly_. Giving the Herald and ya'll time to come out like BAMF's, and the rest of us time to sneak out the backdoor."

"…I do not understand."

"Is this about the whole throwing the resident rebel at the undead magister, or the other thing-?"

"Yes! The _other thing!_ How – _what_ in the Maker's name did you mean by that?"

"Well, it was Solas who gave us the clue."

 _"Solas?"_ Sera squawked in outrage. Said elf, who'd been eavesdropping began to inch away, but is caught by the Seeker Glare™ that could make a Darkspawn spontaneously combust at twenty paces. He sighed. "YOU!"

"Yes, him."

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I admit that at one time I did _consider_ it a possibility-"

 _"YOU WOT?_ That what all those questions were for? Seein' if I fit into some twiggy, Dalish shite?"

"I don't blame the guy. The sudden affinity for shooting like a complete Boss, you did say it just _came_ to you all of a sudden."

"Excellency in every corner~"

"Considering how _old_ he keeps claiming to be, I'm betting he's seen this before!"

"I'm not any Elvish buggry. I already told you!"

"Awwww! Even if you were Ser, we wouldn't think of you any different. C'mon, Anduril right? That'd be freakin' sweet. Don't lie."

"Don't know _aaaaanythin'_ , don't _caaaaaaaaare!_ Come off it you bloody arseholes. I was in SPITTIN' distance of him! That was all YOU!"

"And _you_ gave the single, most beautiful Fuck Off that I have ever seen." There came a wistful sigh, hands clasped in front of her chest in reverence. "Now we just gotta keep from freezing along with our Saving Grace and we're golden!"

The Seeker, trying SO HARD at this point not to 'beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker', as the seven quoted previously, makes a noise like a high dragon. Taking a deeeeep breath in through it's nostrils, just before incinerating any poor shits around it with FIREY DOOM. They were  _lucky_ that the Herald was recuperating after her arduous trial. Cassandra had more important things to do than bandy words with these fools. Helpful fools, but absolutely  _not_ worth the trouble. "This conversation is _not_ over."

"Yes'm!"

"Absolutely Ma'am!"

"We solemnly swear that should we have to throw _anyone_ at the enemy again they'd TOTALLY deserve it."

"Next time we'll toss a REAL god!"

_"Ugh!"_

**Author's Note:**

> So begins the first chapter. This story is going to be part of a self-insert/OC series, snippets, and drabbles I'm going to have running in Shenanigans Age because if NOT I'm just going to wind up doing nothing. My ideas might as well be on paper instead of locked away in my head. This beiiing while I try to get back into DDTS, so be patient with me ^^;;
> 
> Enjoy! They won't be in order, but I'll have fun filling it out for sure~


End file.
